愛戀 ‧ 情曲 ‧ 神の語

耶穌我主
 
 
主你是我的旋律 心中美妙的旋律
因你豐盛應許 你拿走我憂慮
主你是我的喜樂 心中滿足的喜樂
在每一個時刻 你是我的詩歌

主 每當我孤獨 你愛將我圍住 喔耶穌 

我的內心深處 你是我的全部

耶穌我主 生命的主 我的好處你為我守護

擔我咒詛 享你祝福 我樂意事奉你 喔主

耶穌我主 生命的主 甘心跟隨成為你門徒

走你道路 我不怕苦 唯有你是我的滿足 主耶穌

 
 
 
喂 你要振作起來喔...
 
我曉得你最近很多時候太沒有節制,
 
我了解...
 
你現在的情況, 也不是那麼容易.
 
 
前七年怎樣憑信心愛祂, 即使環境似乎每況愈下,
 
忠心, 傻傻的往前衝, 服事, 只有自己的影子, 跟一位愛人.
 
如今到了你服事祂的第二個階段, 第二個七年,
 
前三年不會是容易的...
 
 
但你也曉得, 你現在所擁有的,
 
是你以前從來沒有想像過的,
 
那時候再給你一百年活在這個世上也很難想像的,
 
所以你有這個責任, 你有這個使命,
 
給了你, 到時候要交帳, 不是開玩笑的...
 
而且, 如果你要振作, 責任只會越來越大.
 
就像現在一些情景你也很難想像, 但那是恩典的工作,
 
不要靠自己的力量, 除非你想自殺,
 
白目...!
 
 
好了, 你知道我愛你,
 
加油吧, 喬治, 加油.
 
第二個七年, 不要回頭的向前衝吧!!!
 
喬治, ... ... ...
 
加油!
 
 
 
(我愛罪人, 罪人愛我, 對我來說法利賽人算什麼)

Prayer Request for Health:
There are currently three major body conditions that bother me the most:
1. A sharp pain in the depth of my right hip, and this pain stretches up to my right back all the way up to shoulder-high, but the most painful area is at the inner area of my right hip. This pain is there all the time, sometimes more painful, sometimes less, depending on how I sit, what I sit on, and other factors unknown now. This problem causes me to have pain whenever I sit, ie when I sit, the pain will start to increase until it becomes so excrutiating that I'll have to stand up to let it relieve very slowly. I have seen many doctors, they don't exactly know the nature this problem; they suspect it's a neuro pain. Right now a medication called Lyrica, for treating neuro pains, can relieve my pain a bit, but I've been taken it for over a month, it seems that it's not curing the root problem but just provide a temp relief. And another thing is I don't have this pain when I stand or walk, but I could feel something "wrong," or something "twisted" in my right hip area all the way up to my right back (a line). This pain sometimes makes me hard to sleep, I cannot lie on my right side. Also sometimes when it's very painful during daytime, I will not be able to do anything for a while, until the pain subsides gradually. There are certain postures that will cause this pain to aggravate, such as sitting with my legs crossed.
 
Right now my family doctor is referring me to see a neurology specialist, don't know how long it will take to see the specialist, maybe sometime between one month to three months, or longer.
 
About 9 or 10 years ago, I had a ski accident that caused my left leg and hip to have some sort of problem, maybe a sciatic problem. The condition is whenever I bent down, there will be a very tight pull on my left thigh area (I think hamstring). This doesn't bother me as much as the right hip pain, comparatively, but I think it has caused my hip to lose balance and probably contributed my right hip problem. So sometimes I cannot lie on my left side to sleep too. When I had this problem back then, I had some kind of pain in my right hip area too, but it was much less severe than what I'm experiencing now.
 
I have seen chiropractors and physiotherapists, so far, these type of treatments don't seem to help much.This pain started in May 2006.
Now taking the med helps to relieve the pain a bit and I could sit longer, and therefore could do some work. I am trusting God to heal, and to give me wisdom to cope with it while I still have this obnoxious pain.
 
 
2. A stomach acid reflux problem (GERD), will cause my esophagus and throat to have pain. In 2004 and part of 2005, I was not able to speak much, and had pain in my esophagus area 24/7. After seeing gastroenterologists (stomach/intestine specialists) both here and in Taiwan, had endoscopies, they told me to take double dosage of a drug that treats GERD, it helped and I am now able to speak much more. However, there's still a sour taste in my mouth 24/7, sometimes more acute, sometimes more mild. Thus my speaking capacity is decreased, ie if I speak "too much," I will have pain in my throat/esophagus area since the stomach acids are still refluxing upward a bit.
Now with the double dosage of meds, this problem is controlled to a certain extent. But the sour taste in my mouth is still very annoying, and also not being able to speak and sing as much is troublesome too. One other thing I'm thinking is that if the stomach acids keeps refluxing through my throat/esophagus, though in small amount, in long term, maybe they will have some kind of chemical reactions with the lining cells of my esophagus, and this may cause some further problem in the long run; I know cancer of the esophagus is formed this way. So a surgery that can prevent the acids from coming up might be an option that I'm thinking recently.
 
 
3. Overuse of my shanks, tendon/muscle inflammation so I cannot stand, and walk for very long. Started in August 2006. Now with rest, it is recovering, but at a very, very slow rate. And anti-inflammatory meds didn't work, so the doctor said I just need to let it heal naturally by rest.
 
 
These three body conditions all bother me very much, the right hip pain bothers the most, then the stomach problem, then the shank inflammation (And the medications are not cheap too).
It has not been an easy time for me, but I am trusting God to come through for me strong. Thank you all very very much for your prayers and encouragement. I appreciate all of it.
 
 
Other Prayer Requests:
 
- Studies in two Bible schools, need better time management, and able to practice what I've learned.
 
- I'm leading a small group and teaching an ESL class right now in church. Please pray that God's presence would be with us and transform us... everyone's just so cute!
 
 
 
 
 
身體代禱事項：
比較嚴重的三個情形：
1. 右臀部深處的疼痛，會一直延伸上去到右側上背，差不多快到肩膀的高度，但是最痛的地方是右臀的裡面。這些部位24/7都會感覺不舒服，有的時候會很痛，有的時候就比較不痛，跟我如何坐及坐多久有關，也可能跟其他目前還不曉得的因素有關聯。這個問題最主要是我坐下的時候會開始痛，就是當我坐下時會開始不舒服，然後坐越久右臀那裡就會漸漸更痛。有的時候太痛就要站起來或跪著，然後疼痛才會很慢的漸漸好一點。看了很多醫生，大部分不是很確定是什麼毛病，有懷疑是神經痛的毛病。我現在有在吃一種藥叫Lyrica，是一種可以止神經痛的藥。吃了藥後會比較不痛，但有時還是會很痛，而且那個24小時不舒服的感覺還是會在，像是身體右半邊被扭曲。現在吃了這個藥大概一個月多一點，感覺比較像是止痛，而對疼痛的起因好像沒有治療到。還有就是我站著或走路時並不會痛，只是能感覺到這些部位感覺被拉緊。有的時候這個痛會讓我痛到久久無法入睡，我也沒辦法靠右側睡。白天最痛的情況發生的時候，也是會痛到沒辦法做事，只能動一動或躺下直到慢慢的比較不痛為止。有一些姿勢做了也會讓加重右臀那的疼痛，像是盤腿坐著等。
目前我的家庭醫師把我轉去神經科的專科醫師，不知道要等多久，可能從一個月到三個月，或許更久還不確定。
大概在九年前我曾經因為滑雪讓左臀部那裡受傷，好像是坐骨神經之類的。症狀就是我如果彎下腰，左邊大腿筋就會開始拉的很緊（右邊不會），越往下越緊。這個情況跟右臀的疼痛比起來就感覺不會太嚴重了，但我想這個可能是引起我右臀這個問題的起因，讓我身體左右失去平衡。有的時候我也沒辦法靠右側睡。剛開始有這個問題時，右臀那有時也是會有些疼痛，但並沒有現在的問題嚴重。
 
我曾看過脊骨神經醫生（chiropractors）和物理治療師（physiotherapists），但這類的療效效果好像都不大。這個右臀的情形是2006五月開始的。
 
目前吃藥會讓我比較不痛，所以比較可以坐久一點，所以勉強還可以做些工作。我信靠神來醫治我，然後在疼痛的整個過程中，會給我力量智慧來處理一切。
 
 
2. 胃食道逆流（GERD），逆流的胃酸會讓我的食道和喉嚨疼痛。在2004年到2005年，因為疼痛的緣故不太能講話，喉嚨食道24/7都很痛。後來去看了腸胃專科醫生也在台灣和加拿大照了兩次胃鏡，我現在在吃治胃酸的藥，是一般有胃酸問題人吃的兩倍，現在都每天還在吃。雖然這之後就比較可以講話了，但我嘴裡還是24/7都會有酸酸的味道，有時感覺比較多，有時比較少。所以現在雖然能講話，但因為胃酸還是會少許逆流，還會接觸到食道喉嚨，所以不能講太多話，不然那裡就會疼痛，等於現在能講的話的量大概是以前的一半。
 
目前因為在吃治酸劑，所以這個問題有被控制到一個程度，但是那個24小時嘴裡都有酸酸的味道真的很不舒，還有不能像以前那樣講那麼多話跟唱歌也很討厭。另外一個事就是我在想，如果胃酸這樣長時間的接觸到我食道和喉嚨，會不會跟它們表面的細胞產生化學變化而引起其他的症狀或病變，因為我曉得食道癌就是這樣產生的。所以我也是有在考慮動手術，讓胃酸完全不能上來，但目前還不確定要不要這樣做。
 
 
3. 小腿過度使用，現在有小腿筋和肌肉嚴重發炎，所以不能站立、行走太久（當然就不能跑步或做運動），這個情形是從2006八月開始的。藉著休息，是有慢慢在好起來，只是恢復的速度真的是非常非常的緩慢。消炎藥沒作用，醫生說就只能讓他休息自然的恢復健壯。
 
以上這三個情形都對我身體和日常生活造成許多的不舒服和不便，其中右臀部的疼痛最難受，再來是胃酸逆流的問題，然後再小腿的問題（然後藥錢也很不便宜）。
 
 
其他代禱事項：
 
●　目前在兩間聖經學校的學習，時間的管理上需要加強，能應用到學習的。啊哈哈... 不能太混...
 
●　在教會的服事：帶一個小組，還有教ESL的課，大家都好可愛。我們需要神大大的同在，更深的渴慕、經歷祂的大愛改變更新我們。
 
 
 
備註：最近才發現，我的長假剛好是四十個月。從2003五月到2006九月，有四十一個月，但經過一番禱告和思考後，覺得其實應該是四十個月。到2006年八月就結束，我自己給他多拖了一個月，就像以色列人正常兩年內就可以進入迦南地，但他們惹事生非四十年後才進去。Vision八月就開始申請了，然後九月也剛好是一般學校開學的月份，剛好也是我屬靈歷程進入下一階段的學習，我的Orange Days，是我屬靈大學的日子，開學應該在九月（所以在神的日曆裡，我的長假八月就結束了）。然後OD是在以色列人的贖罪日(Day of Atonement)開始的，是在舊約裡預表耶穌成為神羔羊為世人贖罪的十字架犧牲。以後應該會更清楚這個對我橙色歲月的涵義。
 
四十這個數字在聖經裡是代表「試煉」，以色列人在曠野四十年，耶穌在曠野被魔鬼試探四十天。
 
真是痛苦啊... ... ... 雖然現在身體也是還有很多問題，但最難受的真的是長假那段日子...
 
真是一段煉淨的過程...
 
 
謝謝大家的代禱和鼓勵，要不是有神藉著你們給我的幫助，我大概早就嗚呼哀哉死在半路上了，
 
啊哈哈哈哈哈～～～～～～
 
 
 
親愛的耶穌，我覺得你太浪漫了。可不可以簡單一點，一點點、一滴滴就好了...
 
哈哈，
 
算了，算我沒說，我們都不會答應的。

猴媽備註: 此摘錄是從Rick Joyner的"The Final Quest"一書取出的. 是神啟示他的一個長篇異夢和異象, 如故事一般, 但內容都為真人真事. 中文翻作「末日決戰」, 續集叫「末日呼召」(The Call), 第三集叫「火把與寶劍」(The Torch and the Sword).
非常直得一讀, 神的看法真的和人的標準是非常不一樣的. 一個在人眼中非常擺上的基督徒, 在神眼中居然沒有一個沒有人注意過, 一生只帶了一個人信主露宿街頭的流浪漢, 還來的忠心. 為什麼呢? 讀了下面的故事就會知道了.
中文翻譯在英文的下面, 作者的網站是http://www.morningstarministries.org/.
 
 

---

Excerpt Taken From The Final Quest
by Rick Joyner
"He then stopped and I turned to look at those in the thrones next to us. We were still in the place where the very highest kings were sitting. Then I recognized a man who was close by.
'Sir, I know you from somewhere, but I just cannot remember where.'
'You saw me once in a vision,' he replied.
I immediately remembered, and was shocked! 'So you were a real person?'
'Yes' he replied.
I then began to remember the day when, as a young Christian I had become frustrated with some issues in my life. I went out into the middle of a battlefield park near my apartment and determined to wait until the Lord spoke to me. As i sat reading my bible I was caught up into a vision, one of the first I ever had.
In the vision I saw a man who was zealously serving the Lord. He was continually witnessing to people, teaching, and visiting the sick to pray for them. He was very zealous for the Lord, and had a genuine love for people. Then I saw another man who was obviously a tramp or a homeless man. A small kitten wandered into his path and he started to kick it, but he restrained himself, but still shoved it rather harshly out of the way with his foot. Then the Lord asked me which of these men pleased Him the most.
'The first,' I said without hesitating.
'No, the second,' He responded, and began to tell me their stories
The first man had been raised in a wonderful family, which had always known the Lord. He grew up in a thriving church, and then attended one of the best Bible colleges. He had been given one hundred portions of His love, but he was using only 75.
The second man had been born deaf. He was abused and kept in a dark, cold attic until he was found by the authorities when he was eight years old. He had then been shifted from one institution to another where the abuse continued. Finally he was turned out on the streets. To overcome all of this the Lord had only given him three portions of His love, but he had mustered every bit of it to fight the rage in his heart to keep from hurting the kitten.
I now looked at that man, a king sitting on a throne far more glorious than Solomon could have even imagined. Hosts of angels were arrayed about him, waiting to do his bidding. I turned to the Lord in awe. I still just could not believe he was real, much less one of the great kings.
'Lord, please tell me the rest of his story,' I begged
'Of course, that is why we are here. Angelo was so faithful with the little that I had given to him, I gave him three more portions of My love. He used all of that to quit stealing. He almost starved, but he refused to take anything that was not his. He bought all his food with what he could make collecting bottles, and occasionally finding someone who would let him do yard work. He could not hear but he had learned to read, so I sent him a gospel tract. As he read it the Spirit opened his heart, and he gave his life to Me. I again doubled the portions of My love to him and he faithfully used all of them. He wanted to share Me with others, but he could not speak. Even though he lived in such poverty, he started spending over half of everything he made on gospel tracts to give out on street corners."
'How many did he lead to you? I asked, thinking that it must have been multitudes for him to be sitting with the kings.
'One,' the Lord answered, 'I let him lead a dying alcoholic to Me to encourage him. It encouraged him so much he would have stood on that corner for many more years just to bring another soul to repentance. But all of heaven was entreating Me to bring him here, and I, too, wanted him to receive his reward.'
'But what did he do to become a king?' I asked
'He was faithful with all that he was given, he overcame all until he became like Me, and he died a martyr.'
'But what did he overcome, and how was he martyred?'
"He overcame the world with My love. Very few have overcome so much with so little. Many of My people dwell in homes that kings would have envied just a century ago because of their conveniences, but do not appreciate them, while Angelo would so appreciate a cardboard box on a cold night that he would turn it into a glorious temple of My presence. He began to love everyone and everything. He would rejoice more over an apple than some of My people do over a great feast. He was faithful with all that I gave him, even though it was not very  much compared to what I gave others, including you. I showed him to you in a vision because you passed him by many times. You even once pointed him out to one of your friends and spoke of him.'
' I did? What did I say?'
'You said, "There is another one of those Elijah's who must have escaped from the bus station." You said that he was a "religious nut" who was sent by the enemy to turn people off to the gospel.'

This was the worst blow that I had yet suffered in this experience. I was more than shocked, I was appalled. I tried to remember the specific incident, but couldn't, simply because there were so many others like it. I had never had much compassion for filthy street preachers who seemed to me that they were specifically sent to turn people off from the gospel.
'I'm sorry Lord. I'm really sorry.'
'And you are forgiven,' He quickly responded. 'And you are right. There are many who try to preach the gospel on the streets for wrong, and even perverted reasons. Even so, there are many who are sincere, even if they are untrained and unlearned. You must not judge by appearances. There are as many true servants who look like he did as there are among the polished professionals in the great cathedrals and organizations that men have built in My Name.'
He then motioned for me to look up at Angelo. When I turned he had descended the steps to his throne and was right in front of me. Opening his arms he gave me a great hug, and kissed my forehead like a father. Love poured over me and through me until I felt that it would overload my nervous system. When he finally released me I was staggering as if I were drunk, but it was a wonderful feeling. It was love like I had never felt it.
'He could have imparted that to you on earth,' the Lord continued. 'He had much to give my people, but they would not come near him. Even my prophets avoided him. He grew in faith by buying a bible and a couple of books that he read over and over. He tried to go to churches but he could not find one that would receive him. If they would have taken him in they would have taken Me in. He was My knock upon their door.'
I was learning a new definition of grief. 'How did he die?' I asked, remembering that he had been martyred, half expecting that I was somehow even responsible for it.
'He froze to death trying to keep an old wino alive who had passed out in the cold.'
As I looked at Angelo I just could not believe how hard my heart was. Even so, I did not understand how this made him a martyr, which I had thought was a title reserved for those who died because they would not compromise their testimony.
'Lord, I know that he is truly an overcomer,' I remarked. 'And, it is so just for him to be here. But are those who die that way also considered martyrs?'
"Angelo was a martyr everyday that he lived. He would only do enough for himself to stay alive, and he gladly sacrificed his life to save a needy friend. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians, even if you give your body to be burned, but do not have love, it counts as nothing. But, when you give yourself with love, it counts for much. Angelo died every day because he did not live for himself, but for others. While on earth he always considered himself the least of the saints, but he was one of the greatest. As you have already learned, many of those who consider themselves the greatest, and are considered by others to be the greatest, end up being the least here. Angelo did not die for a doctrine, or even his testimony, but he did die for Me.'
'Lord, please help me to remember this. Please do not let me forget what I am seeing here when I return,' I begged.
'That is why I am with you here, and I will be with you when you return. Wisdom is to see with My eyes, and not to judge by appearances. I showed you Angelo in the vision so that you would recognize him on the street. If you had shared with him the knowledge of his past that I had shown you in the vision, he would have given his life to Me then. You could have then discipled this great king, and he would have had a great impact on My church. If My people would look at others the way I do, Angelo and many others like him, would have been recognized. They would have been paraded into the greatest pulpits, and My people would have come from the ends of the earth to sit at their feet, because by doing this they would have sat at My feet. He would have taught you to love, and how to invest the gifts that I have given you so that you could bear much more fruit.'

I was so ashamed that I did not want to even look at the Lord, but finally I turned back to Him as I felt the pain driving me toward self-centeredness again. When I looked at Him I was virtually blinded by His glory. It took a while, but gradually my eyes adjusted so that I could see Him.
'Remember that you are forgiven,' He said. 'I am not showing you these things to condemn you, but to teach you. Always remember that compassion will remove the veils from your soul faster than anything else.'
As we began to walk again, Angelo spoke, 'Please remember my friends, the homeless, Many will love our Saviour if someone will go to them.'
His words had such power in them that I was too moved to answer, so I just nodded. I knew that those words were the decree of a great king, and a great friend of the King of Kings. 'Lord, will you help me to remember the homeless?'
'I will help any who help them,' He responded, 'When you love those whom I love you will always know My help. They will be given the Helper by the measure of their love. You have asked many times for more of My anointing; that is how you will receive it. Love those whom I love. As you love them you love Me. As you give to them you have given to Me, and I will give you more in return.'"My mind drifted to my nice home and all of the other possessions I had. I was not wealthy, but by earthly standards, I knew that I did live much better than kings had just a century before. I had never felt guilty about it before, but I did now. Somehow, it was a good feeling, but at the same time, it did not feel right. Again, I looked back to the Lord, as I knew He would help me.
 
 “Remember what I said about how My perfect law of love made light and darkness distinct. When confusion such as you are now feeling comes, you know that what you are experiencing is not My perfect law of love. I delight in giving My family good gifts, just as you do yours. I want you to enjoy them, and appreciate them. Only you must not worship them, and you must freely share them when I call you to. I could wave My hand and instantly remove all poverty from the earth. There will be a day of reckoning when the mountains and high places are brought down, and the poor and oppressed are raised up, but I must do it. Human compassion is just as contrary to Me as human oppression. Human compassion is used as a substitute for the power of My cross. I have not called you to sacrifice, but to obey. Sometimes you will have to sacrifice to obey Me, but if your sacrifice is not done in obedience, it will separate us.
 
 “You are guilty for the way you misjudged and treated this great king when he was My servant on earth. Do not judge anyone without inquiring of Me. You have missed more encounters that I have set up for you than you have ever imagined, simply because you were not sensitive to Me. However, I did not show you this to just make you feel guilty, but to bring you to repentance so that you will not continue to miss them. If you just react in guilt you will begin to do things to compensate for your guilt, which is an affront to My cross. My cross alone can remove your guilt, and because I went to the cross to remove your guilt, whatever is done in guilt is not done for Me.
 
 “I do not enjoy seeing men suffer,” Wisdom continued. “But human compassion will not lead them to the cross which alone can relieve their real suffering. You missed Angelo because you were not walking in compassion. You will have more when you return, but your compassion must still be subject to My Spirit. Even I did not heal all those for whom I had compassion, but I only did what I saw My Father doing. You must not just do things out of compassion, but in obedience to My Spirit. Only then will your compassion have the power of redemption.
 
 “I have trusted you with the gifts of My Spirit. You have known My anointing in your preaching and writing, but you have known it much less than you realize. Rarely do you really see with My eyes, or hear with My ears, or understand with My heart. Without Me, you can do nothing that will benefit My kingdom or promote My gospel. You have fought in My battles, and you have even seen the top of My mountain. You have learned to shoot arrows of truth and hit the enemy. You have learned a little about using My sword. But love is My greatest weapon. Love will never fail. Love will be the power that destroys the works of the devil. And love will be what brings My kingdom. Love is the banner over My army. Under this banner you must now fight.”

---

坐寶座的王
然後他停下腳步，於是我轉身去看坐在我們身旁的那些寶座上的人。我們所在的位置，仍是那些至高之王的寶座。然後，我認出在身旁的一個人。
[先生，我好像在什麼地方認識你，但我想不起來了。]
[你曾在一次異象中看過我。]他答道。
我馬上就記起來了，而且驚訝得不得了！[所以，真的有你這個人？]
[是的。]他答道。
然後我就想起那天的情景了，當時我還是個初信不久的基督徒，因著生命中的一些問題而灰心沮喪，我走到住家附近的一座公園裡，決心要等候直到主對我說話為止。當我坐在那公園讀經時，一個異象臨到我，那是我最先領受的異象之一。異象中，我看到一名男子很熱心地在服事主，他一直向人作見證、教導人、探望病人、為病人禱告。這人對主十分熱心，對人也有真摯的愛。接著我看到另一名男子，一看就知道他是無家可歸的流浪漢。有一隻小貓在他腳邊踱來破去，他就想踢它，可是又約束自己別踢，不過他還是很無情地用腳把貓推到一邊去。然後主問我，這兩個人，哪一個最討他喜悅。
[第一個。]我毫不猶豫地說。 [不，是第二個。]他回答，然後就告訴我這兩人的故事。
第一個人生長在很好的家庭裡，家人早都已認識主了。他在一間興旺的教會中成長，然後就讀於一所聲譽卓著的聖經學院。他蒙主賜下他一百份的愛，但這人只用了百份之七十五。
第二個人生下來就是聾子，飽受虐待，被家人關在又冷又暗的小閣樓裡，一直到八歲時才被外界發現。然後他就被人從一個機構轉到另一個機構，而且繼續遭到虐待，最後變成街頭的流浪漢。為了讓他能勝過這一切，主只賜給他三份的愛，而他卻盡其所能地全用了出來，以抵抗心中的怒氣，不讓自己去傷害那隻小貓。
如今我望著那人，他是坐在寶座上的一個國王，其榮耀遠超過所羅門所能想像，而且天使天軍列隊在他周圍，等著執行他的命令。我心存敬畏地轉向主，我就是無法相信真有其人，更別說相信他是偉大的周王之一了。 「主啊，請把他的故事都講給我聽。」我乞求道。
「當然好，這就是我們到這裡的原因。安傑羅忠心於我所給他的那麼少的恩賜，所以我又再給他三份我的愛，他把它們全用在不再偷竊上，他幾乎餓死了，但還是拒絕拿任何不屬於自己的東西。他靠撿瓶罐維生，偶爾有人讓他作點除草等雜工所賺得的一點點錢，來買自己的食物。他雖聽不見，但他學會了認字，所以我就給他一張福音單張。當他看時，聖靈開啟他的心，他就把生命獻給我。我再次把我的愛加倍賜給他，他也忠心地全用了出來。他想和別人分享我，但他無法說話，即使他是那麼窮，卻開始把超過自己所賺的一半的錢，用來買福音單張，站在街頭分發。」
[他領了多少人歸向你？]我問，心想他一定是領了許許多多的人歸主，所以才能躋身王的寶座。
主答道：「一個。我為了鼓勵他，就讓他帶領一個瀕死的酗酒者歸主。此事使他大受激勵，使他花上更多年站在那個街角，為了要再帶領一個靈魂悔改。但是整個天上都懇求我把他帶來這裡，我也想讓他領受他的獎賞。」 [可是他做了什麼事才成為王的？]我問。
「他忠心於所賜給他的一切，他勝過一切，直到他變成像我一樣，並且他是殉道死的。」
[可是他勝過了什麼？又是怎麼殉道的呢？]
「他用我的愛勝過了這世界，很少有人用那麼少去勝過那麼多的。有許多我的百姓所住的家，若是在一百年前，連國王都會羨慕的，因為生活太方便了，可是他們卻不感激。而安傑羅是那麼感激能在寒夜裡有一塊厚紙板，甚至他能把它變成有我同在的榮耀聖殿。他開始去愛每個人、每件事。他因一個蘋果而有的喜樂，超過我的一些百姓因一頓大餐而有的快樂。他忠心於我所賜的一切事，即使他所有的跟我賜給別人的（包括你的）比起來，並不算多。我讓你在異象中看見他，因為你多次走過他身邊，你甚至有一次向朋友指著他，說了些關於他的話。」
[有嗎？我說了什麼？]
[你說：'那一定又是一個從巴士站的傳教群中逃出來的。'你說他是一個'宗教笨瓜'，是仇敵所差來，使人排斥福音的。]
這是我在這次經歷中，所遭受到最嚴重的打擊。不只是震驚，我整個人都呆住了。我努力想起這麼一件事，卻想不起來，因為這種事實在太多了。以前我對這些骯髒的街頭傳道人，從來都沒什麼憐憫心。對我而言，他們好像是特別被派來使人排斥福音的。
[主啊，我很抱歉，真的很抱歉！]
主馬上回答道：「我饒恕你。你說得對，許多想在街頭傳福音的人，是基於錯誤、甚至是歪曲的原因。但即使如此，還是有很多人是出自真誠的動機，就算他們沒受過訓練，也沒受過教育。你一定不可以憑外貌來判斷人。在奉我名所建立的宏偉大教堂和組織中，有許多優雅的專業從士是我的真僕人，但在外表像他那樣的人中，也有同樣多的人是我的真僕人。」
然後他示意要我抬頭看安傑羅。當我轉頭時，他已經從寶座上走下來，正站在我面前。他張開雙臂，大大地擁抱我，然後像父親般在我額頭上親了一下。於是愛從我頭上澆灌而下，充滿我心，直到我覺得我的神經系統快負荷不了。當他終於放開我時，我竟像醉酒似地腳步踉蹌，不過那卻是很美妙的感受。我從來沒感受過這樣的愛。
主接著說：「他本來可以在地上就把這樣的愛分賜給你的。他有很多可以給我的百姓，但我的百姓卻不願意靠近他，就連我的先知都避開他。他信心的成長是靠著買了一本聖經和幾本書，而且讀了又讀。他試著要上教會，卻找不到一間願意接待他的教會。如果他們把他帶進去，也就把我帶進去了，他代表著我在敲他們的門。」
我正在學習關於哀傷的一種新定義，[他是怎麼死的呢？]我問道，想到他殉道而死，所以覺得我多少該負點責任。 「有一個老酒徒在寒冬中昏迷了過去他想要救他，但自己卻凍死了。」
看著安傑羅，我真是無法相信自己的心竟是那麼剛硬。不過我還是不明白這怎麼會讓他成為一個殉道者？我以為殉道者的榮銜應該是加給那些為了見證主，不肯妥協，以至於死的人。
[主啊，我曉得他真的是位得勝者，]我說道：[而且他能夠坐在這裡也十分公道，可是，難道像他那樣死的人也算得上是殉道者？]
「安傑羅活著的每一天都是殉道者，他樂意犧牲自己去救最有需要的朋友，而只讓自己剛好夠活就好了。誠如保羅在寫給哥林多教會的信上說，你若捨已身叫人焚燒，卻沒有愛，就算不得什麼。但是，當你以愛獻上自己，就大有價值了。安傑羅每天都捨命，因為他沒有為自己活，而是為別人活。雖然在地上時，他一直認為自己是聖徒中最小的，但其實他是最偉大的聖徒之一。正如你已經知道的，許多自認為是最偉大的，也被別人認為是最偉大的，最後到這裡時卻是最小的。安傑羅並未為某項教義而死，甚至不是為作見證而死，但他的確是為我捨命。」
[主阿，請幫助我記住這個，當我回去後，請不要讓我忘記在這裡所看到的。]我求道。
「那就是我與你同在這裡的原因，當你回去後，我也會與你同在。智慧就是用我的眼去看，不憑外貌斷定。我讓你在異象中見到安傑羅，好讓你在街上經過他時，可以認出他來。如果當初你把在異象中所見到的他的過去，跟他分享，他那時就會把他的生命獻給我。然後你就可以訓練這位偉大的王作門徒，他就會對我的教會產生很大的影響。如果我的百姓看待別人能夠像我一樣，他們就會認出安傑羅，還有許多和他一樣的人，這些人就可以傳講出一篇篇偉大的講章。而我的百姓就會從四面八方來坐在他們腳前，因為那就等於坐在我的腳前。他就會教你們如何去愛，如何投資我所賜給你們的恩賜，好叫你們可以結出更多的果子來。」我覺得好丟臉，甚至不想注視主，但最後我還是回頭看他，並且覺得那種心痛又再一次驅使我朝向自我中心了。當我看著他時，他的榮光幾乎使我瞎眼了，過了好一會兒，我的眼睛才漸漸地適應，才能夠看到他。他說：「要記得你已蒙赦免了。我讓你看到這些事，不是為定你的罪，而是要教導你。你要一直記住，能夠最快除去你靈魂之帕子的就是憐憫。」
當我們再度往前走時，安傑羅開口說了第一句話：[請記念我那些無家可歸的朋友，只要有人去到他們中間就會有許多人愛我們的救主。]
他的話語帶著極大的能力，感動得我無法回答，所以只得點頭。我知道那些話是一位偉大國王所下的命令，萬王之王的一個偉大的朋友。[主阿，你願意幫助我去幫助那些無家可歸的人嗎？]
他答道：「我會幫助任何幫助他們的人。任何願意去愛我所愛的人，都會得著我的幫助，他們領受幫助的程度，是按著他們的愛有多少。你多次向我求更多的恩膏，這就是得恩膏的方法。愛我所愛的，你愛他們就是愛我，你給他們的就是給我，而我也會再給你更多。」
我的思緒飄到我那舒適的家，還有我所擁有的一切。我雖不富有，但從地上的標準來看，我知道我的確過得比一百年前的國王還舒服。以前我從未為此而感到愧疚，但現在卻會。儘管那是個好的感受，但同時我又覺得不太對。我再次回頭看主，因為知道他會幫助我。
「要記得我說過，我以愛的純全律法將光明與黑暗分別出來。當困惑來臨，一如現在你所感受的，你就知道那不是我愛的純全律法。我喜悅把美好的恩賜給我的家人，就像你喜歡把好東西給你家人一樣。我希望你們好好享受，而且心存感謝。只是你們絕不可以崇拜那些，而當我呼召你白白地分享出去時，你一定要照著去做。我可以一揮手，就立刻趕走地上一切的貧窮。將來會有一個算帳的日子，那日所有大山和高處都將被夷為平地，窮人的受壓者會被扶起，但必須是由我來作，因為人的憐憫和人的壓迫一樣都是違背我的。人的憐憫被拿來代替我十字架的大能。我未曾呼召你犧牲，而是呼召你順服。有時你必須犧牲以順服我，但如果你不是在順服中犧牲的話，你的犧牲會把我們隔開。
你為著當這位偉大的王在地上作我僕人時，你錯誤判斷他、對待他的方式而感到罪疚。不要未詢問過我就論斷任何人。你曾錯過我為你所安排的接觸多過於你所能想像的，只因你對我不夠敏銳。然而，我讓你看這些，並不是要使你覺得罪疚，而是要帶領你悔改，好讓你不會為了彌補你的罪疚而去做一些事，那是對我十字架的侮辱。只有我的十字架能除去你的罪疚，因為我上十字架去除掉你的罪疚，所以心存罪疚而去做的事，都不是為我做的。我不喜歡看人受苦，但是人的憐憫並不能領人到十字架前，惟有十字架才能解除真苦難。因為你沒有行在憐憫中，所以你錯過了安傑羅。當回去後，你會更有憐憫，可是你的憐憫必須服在我的聖靈之下。即使是我，也沒有醫治我所憐憫的每一個人，我乃是看到我父做的事我才做。你絕對不能單單因著憐憫做事情，而是要順服我的聖靈。只有這樣，你的憐憫才會有救贖的大能。
我已把我聖靈的恩賜托負給你了，雖然你在講道與寫作中，已認識了我的恩膏，但你所認識的比你所瞭解的還得多。你很少真正用我的眼光去看，也很少用我的耳朵去聽，更少用我的心去瞭解。沒有我，你就做不出什麼有益於我的國度，或傳揚我福音的事。你已打過我的仗，甚至也見過我的山的頂峰。你已學會用真理的箭去攻擊、痛擊仇敵，也稍微學會怎麼用我的劍。但愛才是我最大的武器，愛永不失敗，愛將是摧毀邪靈工作的大能，帶來我國度的也是愛。愛是飄揚在我大軍之上的旗幟，現在你必須在此旗幟下打仗。」

---

一生跟隨你
 
 
出處: 約書亞  專輯: 向列國宣告
 
 
求賜給我清潔的心　緊緊跟隨你
我渴慕更深愛你　因你已先愛我
跟隨你的腳步　活出你對我呼召
每一天帶領我　更多親近你
我願這一生更像你　求與我同行 喔主
引導我生命　賜給我甜美的靈
能合乎你心意　一生跟隨你
我唯一渴慕　依偎你同在裡
我唯一渴慕　一生跟隨你

- 站在講台上, 白色西裝, 講道的臺子為透明. 台下大概幾百, 感覺不太像福音佈道, 比較像是培靈會, 分享一些真理. 這個圖像眼睛沒有閉起就能模糊的看到.
 
- 腳踏車. 之後幾天看到摩托車, 也有滑板, 最後還有汽車.
 
- 今天看到西遊記唐三藏取經路上. 三匹馬, 唐三藏應該是在中間, 比較大的馬. 右邊上面有人, 但看不清是誰. 左邊馬上沒有人.
 
後來想想, 沒有看錯吧, 用取佛教的經及故事... 但是後來想到, 他們在取經路上遇到重重妖魔鬼怪的阻擾...
 
哈哈, 可能是在嗆我吧, 取假經都那麼認真了, 雖然西遊記本身不是真的故事. 然後突然就想到了,
 
孫悟空
 
為什麼左邊馬上是空的, 可能是這個團隊還少了什麼. 右邊馬上的好像是悟空, 左邊的同伴可能是被妖魔抓走, 然後唐三藏要跟悟空去救他.
 
豬八戒嗎? 哈哈, 真好笑.
 
那沙悟淨呢? 還沒來吧, 還是也被抓走了. 也許對西遊記了解多一點會看見更多東西.

Unashamed
And after all
Everything I once held dear
Just proved to be so vain
To lose it all
And find a Friend who's always near
Could only be my gain
And when I think of what You've done for me
To bring me to the Father's side
Unashamed and unafraid
I will choose to wear Your Name
In a world so full of hate
I will always live Your way
Could it be?
That You should put on human flesh?
Your glory laid aside
Bruised for me
Majesty, upon the Cross
Forsaken and despised
When I think of what it cost for You
To bring me to the Father's side
Unashamed and unafraid
I will choose to wear Your Name
In a world so full of hate
I will always live Your way
Unashamed and unafraid
I will love You all my days
I don't care what men may say, I'm
Unashamed and unafraid
I know some will say it's foolishness
You can't make a blind man see
But I know that there is power in the Cross
To save those who believe
Paul Oakley
2001 © Thankyou Music/MCPS

 
 
美國詩人  羅勃.佛洛斯特：沒有走的路
Robert Frost's known poem: The Road Not Taken
 
黃樹林裡分叉兩條路，TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
只可惜我不能都踏行。And sorry I could not travel both
我，單獨的旅人，佇立良久，And be one traveler, long I stood
極目眺望一條路的盡頭，And looked down one as far as I could
看它隱沒在叢林深處。To where it bent in the undergrowth;
於是我選擇了另一條路，Then took the other, as just as fair,
一樣平直，也許更值得，And having perhaps the better claim,
因為青草茵茵，還未被踏過，Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
若有過往人蹤，Had worn them really about the same,
路的狀況會相差無幾。Though as for that the passing there
那天早晨，兩條路都覆蓋在枯葉下，And both that morning equally lay
沒有踐踏的污痕：In leaves no step had trodden black.
啊，原先那條路留給另一天吧！Oh, I kept the first for another day!
明知一條路會引出另一條路，Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
我懷疑我是否會回到原處。I doubted if I should ever come back
在許多許多年以後，在某處，I shall be telling this with a sigh
我會輕輕嘆息說：Somewhere ages and ages hence:
黃樹林裡分叉兩條路，而我，Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
我選擇了較少人跡的一條，I took the one less traveled by,
使得一切多麼地不同。And that has made all the difference

長假2003-2006 (最終回)

 




哈哈，其實要為我的長假做個總結，一開始還真的是沒什麼頭緒。嘿嘿，就是因為沒有什麼方向，才會放假吧。嗯，我把我的長假分成三大部分，取名叫做，叫做，準備好了嗎... 「魔戒三部曲」～～～～～！！！！！　鏘鏘鏘鏘～～～！！！　還有　江江江江～～～～～！！！！！！　啊哈哈，這個真的很有紀念價值。　厚厚... 講錯了，其實是叫做... 「長假三部曲」～～～～！！！　耶耶耶耶！！！　很有創意吧！　因為真的正好可以分成三個階段耶～～～～　其實想要用以前寫過的文章把它串成一個總結，「病沒」想像中的容易喔說～～

好好笑喔，回頭看，流了好多淚，卻在冬天結成亮晶晶的雪片。我小心的把它們保存起來，在我的心底深處，那裡佈置成漂亮的居所。

我知道，走過的不會再回來，我卻沒有後悔。哈哈，好像有種高興的感覺... 默契吧，跟他在一起的默契，我永遠都說不清楚，說不清楚。

路真的太遙遠，我不應該抬頭看嗎？能說學到什麼嗎？有啊，不是路遠不遠的問題，而是一路上高不高興。還有如果太累走不到終點，或是被路上的障礙所困，都沒關係了。抓的太緊，放不開來，是沒有勇氣的原因。相信我，我真的知道，不是是否問題重重難以應付，而是其實想要知道，到底有沒有人在乎，有沒有人關心，有沒有人愛，有沒有人說，說會永遠陪在身邊。

不是早就知道的問題，而是其實不明白，心的明白。為什麼還會不快樂？一點都不複雜，因為不曉得，不曉得有人會為誰走的那麼深。


我說，神啊，拜託拜託，讓我也愛的轟轟烈烈吧。笨蛋，你在問什麼啊？你不要又想要，想要又不要，但底要不要啊？我說，神啊，你知道的，我會反悔九十九次，再答應一百次。

那就是要囉，對吧？

對吧？... ... 對吧？... ... 對吧？　

這個「對吧」不知道在我心裡迴蕩漣漪了幾百遍... 「對吧...？」

對你個大頭啦！你是Ｘ頭喔！會不會思考啊？腦袋裡裝的是什麼啊？

嗯... 顯然... 顯然... 跟世界不一樣的東西吧...

結結巴巴的，會不會說話啊？　還對... 對對對的，

 

對啦！！！！

 


被騙的感覺，哈哈。但好像是我自己情願上鉤的，誰能瞭解我的心呢？我才沒有答應呢，水深火熱的時候會這樣耍賴。有啦有啦，甜蜜蜜的時候會這樣告白。

 

 

「你什麼時候開始逛書店買書了？」

「沒有啊，我只是想說，如果你講話的時候，我可以多瞭解一點，然後你想找人說說話的時候，我也可以說上一點... 你... 做了什麼決定，我可以多猜到你的心意一點，這樣不是很好嗎？」

 

 


【長假首部曲—長假現身】


哦！太熱血了！！！

看我都安排的天衣無縫，渾然一體，十全十美！


漏洞百出吧... |||=.=


什麼嘛...


ㄟ？那麼好玩啊。用長假跟我說話喔？還真逗耶，沒在開玩笑啊？「...一切也不順利，就好像欠缺一個機會來轉變，而你也曾努力嘗試製作機會，但總是不成功... ...」。瀨名的長假名言？

Don't... Worry, Be... Happy...


（傻笑）


你跟我講過？哪有，什麼時候？

有啊，那個夢那個夢啦。

那個夢要看長假最終曲啦！！！


哈，那我是正式開始放我的Long Vacation囉？

嘿嘿，哈哈

哈哈

哈... ... ... 哈... ... ...

還真的有點給他長長長長長長長長長長長長長長長說...

有點要瘋掉了的感覺... 那就給他瘋吧！人家都說年輕只要一次，要好好把握。我的青春歲月，揮灑吧，燃燒吧！！！

還真的要給他死了咧，搞到吐，你Ｘ頭啊？死也要死的美美的嗎，還選在情人節。

是情人節...　那... 情人節你許什麼願望啊？

是我悠長假期裡的第一個情人節耶！我的願望是...


喔全能的上帝，神啊，天父啊... ...

 

ＰＳ：Ｘ＝豬

 


【長假二部曲—幽谷情歌】

 

你有沒有搞錯啊？？？這哪是我的願望啊...

什麼嘛...

 

噓... 不然又要被罵Ｘ頭了。Ｘ頭猴媽，啊哈哈，其實還蠻好笑的。


愛唷，陪我笑一笑嘛，猴媽，陪我笑一笑吧！

說真的，也不知道為什麼，雖然杵在這種爛爛爛爛透的地方，但每次跟他一起笑、一起嚎啕大哭的時候，我會突然忘了我在哪裡... 也不是忘記啦，而是會感覺，好像真的還有點給他... 麻吉吧.

ㄟ... 我好像不孤單耶，嗯。他們說這叫做死蔭幽谷。那... 我就可以說是，死蔭幽谷不孤單囉！咦？剛剛看到白白的那個是天使的翅膀嗎？嘻嘻，是隱形的翅膀唷！

長假裡有兩個最讓我感動的故事，這個是其中一個。那種不能說話的日子，唉... ... ... 把它化為感動我一生的故事... ... ... 唉... ... ... 嗯，有沒有用手語講話的可愛姊妹啊？　^^


ㄟ～～～！！！？他．他．他，你．你．你．耶？？？

有什麼希奇的，我來是要醫治你，沒讀過我的話語裡說...如此如此。


（我又感動到不能說話）


（一分鐘）（兩分鐘）（三分鐘）（四分鐘）


（五分鐘）（六分鐘）（七分鐘）...

 

（笑）...


（無表情）...


（緊張... 汗）...

 

喂！

喂喂！

喂喂喂，啊我咧？你別走啊！！！什麼嘛？ㄟ！我來了。哼！我才沒有那麼容易放棄呢。


我來囉，一定要把你追到手！倒追啊，沒聽過啊？


Ｘ頭猴媽的熱情全開放！！！


嘿嘿，這是我第一次遇見他的邂逅... 才不是邂逅咧，你會不會用中文啊，Ｘ頭ㄛ你？

真是的，連名字都可以說個故事... 猴媽！你要加油，聽見沒，不然真的會變成ＸＸＸＸＸＸＸＸＸＸＸＸ大Ｘ頭！

 

對了，我忘了講，也不知道為什麼的，我居然來到了九二一的地方。十一年後回到台灣，哇，太猛了太猛了，九二一不會再發生吧。說真的，在那段在台灣的日子還真讓我又笑又哭的。

我本來還想寫一篇那個當GTO的日子。那些小朋友跟我稱兄搭弟的...　跟我勾肩搭背耶，有沒有搞錯！算了，好像是我先勾引他們的。還有，喂，幾乎全班作弊耶～！ㄟ，你們給我小心點喔，雖然我身高跟你們差不多，看起來跟高中生也沒差多少，但我可是超級無敵打遍天下一二三四五六七的「G．T．O．」（請鼓掌鼓掌！）... ... ... ... ...　我常常講很好笑的笑話，但他們都不給我面子...

學生都當我瘋瘋的。對呀，我還告訴他們作弊的方法，真是的，他們的作弊方式太遜了，真瞎耶，會不會作弊啊？我還跟他們說，我不是猴子變的，他們也不是猴子變的，還有啊，來，放放外國詩歌大家來學英文。還有，哇！教他們男女關係，（但要先確定我的老闆不在）休息時跟那些小女生談什麼誰後喜歡誰啊，哪個男生又怎樣怎樣的... 厚... 害我真的差點都快聽不下去了... 太遜了吧... 讓我傳授幾招給你們吧，在外面開課都要收費的哦！

哈哈，小朋友的人格重要，還是成績重要？我上頭有個老闆，了了嗎？嘿嘿，剛好也沒聲音了，就不做了。

哈哈，那些小朋友都知道我以後要去做牧師，還有神父跟牧師都搞不清楚，厚。離開的時候當然不能讓他們知道，我可能會流淚吧，嘿嘿嘿。請別忘記我跟你們說過，人生最重要的不是那些外在的東西，老師相信上帝，希望你們懂。


還有啊，就是在埔里那個自己租的和式小方間裡，除了空氣不是很好外，二樓住了對常常吵架的一對大學生，快要分手的男女朋友吧，東西還會飛來飛去哦。在半夜耶，還吵。不過這不是重點，我要說的不是這個。我要說的是就是在那個半夜，我第一次聽到Lydia。嘿嘿，好多時候，意境比言語能說的還要多。那個畫面，那種感受，大概一輩子都意難忘。哈哈，在埔里鎮上的夜市、住在弟兄之家的日子、一個人夜遊吹風、跟奇怪的駝鳥互相大眼瞪小眼，還真的蠻好玩的！

還有那個半夜，突然看到那兩顆心，會螢光耶，以前都不曉得。那一幕，也真的很感動。


好了好了，回到溫哥華，但是這樣的身體，能幹什麼呢？只記得到處去趴趴走吧，雖然我寧願能說話。


「那我們一起去吧，就像你高中的時候一樣啊。」

「.................」

 

終於，我還是回答他了。

「請你不要每次都說那麼讓我感動的話好不好？」

 

我發現，原來我們之間的感情，超過言語。也許好久，好久沒有這種「活著真好」的感覺了。

 

它，我的聲音，我的深音，內心很深的聲音。它走了帶不走我的天堂...

快樂點吧猴媽，生命總不會只充滿悲傷。


跟死黨看看煙火，跟媽媽打打網球（我是費德勒）...

嗯... ㄟ，到了那個日子，你能做什麼慶祝啊？埃，我只能說說，哦，對不起，不能用講的啦。

其實可以講啦，只是會很痛而已，不講的時候也會痛，但是講的時候更痛...


特別是對他講的時候，真的非常痛，非常痛非常痛，痛和感動攪和在心裡，變成淚水。

我... 很愛很愛你吧...

再痛也要講，我也用手語比喔，雖然可能很多地方比錯了，管他的。我還有用寫的、用敗家的方式、用迷人的微笑、和你散散步、帶上項鍊戒指，用我的真心真意，現在我只記得美好的回億。


嗯，ok，還能做什麼事呢？培養點書生氣質吧。看看書。哇！（Ｘ頭你講了幾次！了？）（ㄟ你很吵耶，我又沒有叫你說話）（你煩耶，明明就那麼Ｘ頭）（我要看書啦，你走開好不好啊？不甘寂寞啊？）（你奇怪耶，有沒有口德啊？！！！！）（ㄟ是誰先說什麼ＸＸ頭的啊？）（奇怪耶，你不Ｘ頭誰Ｘ頭啊）（閉嘴啦！）（你才閉嘴咧～！）（！＠＄＃！！！）（ＸＸＸＸＸＸ）


不要理他們，我看的書很有意義，也粉粉感人。嘿... 人的一生是短暫，但有些人就是能活的那麼的瀟灑，而我知道他如今仍然活著。


其他瑣碎的事情，但我相信對我都是很有價值的回憶，是我們在一起的日子，可能感情就這樣不知不覺中培養出來了吧，學習信任。還有就像這樣無哩頭的亂塗鴉，第一次聽到把愛傳出來還真的是驚艷咧。還有呢，在爛天氣隨便亂逛，做該做的覺得有意義的事，連吃鳳梨也很好玩，魔戒的Smeagle唱的歌居然很上嘴，雖然唱歌會很痛。


在放長假的時候，我也開始了我尋找他的旅途。其實長假裡有很多感人的故事，我真正體會到見不到一個全世界最愛的人的滋味是什麼，比死了還難過。遺失的美好，真的是很美好的一位，猴媽要繼續找唷！

在快要進入2006年時，有了個愛的轉機哦。這麼慢啊，有的時候真的我的長假還真是給他慢長啊～～～


很多時候我真的覺得我會失去講話的能力喔...

還好有死黨好弟兄陪我去在水上走走，看看電影，還有聖誕節當然別忘了說聲生日快樂...

 

之前不是說這個悠長假期裡有兩個讓我最感動的事嗎？第二個就是，2005年的倒數，那個最後的一天，最後的一晚，我永遠都不會忘記。哈哈，我的二零零五冬季戀歌，哈，揮著仙女棒，聽著誰在倒數，我們在地上的最後一天，很快就會來到了呢。哈哈，我現在就想要哭了，所以還是講別的東西吧。


其實應該不難看出我很喜歡他，連笨蛋都看的出來吧。（喂，別再跟我搞豬頭囉～！）


我一直都相信著奇蹟會出現，因為我聽過，我看過，他是這麼說的。即使我是Ｆ班的，即使我的成績不好，即使我會隨便亂寫Random Journal，但是「信耶穌就安啦！！！」（厚，這句寫的很勉強耶，其實是想把所有以前的文章連結一次放進來）


再搞溫柔一點吧猴媽，　（笑）


遺失的美好還有續集喔，永遠的白晝，埃，我又要哭了。

 

【長假最終曲—神蹟再臨】

長假的最後時光，一大半是在台北過的（第二次回台灣）。要回台灣前，他給了我一個惡作劇之吻。

所以囉，九週年就用這個慶祝吧！愛唷，到了這個地步，早就已經習慣了他對我說話的方式。還有啊，我永遠不會忘記，我是新郎的朋友哦！新郎的朋友，新郎的朋友，新郎的朋友！我的定義，你＝朋友＝新郎＝嘛吉！！！在我的世界，對別人的過犯很健忘哦！

這個大概也可以算是長假末了最感人的故事了吧，其實說長假裡最感人的兩個故事大概沒這回事，三個吧，其實想到哪個我都會哭...（ㄟ，你動不動就要哭，不是我在說你，你還真的是很豬頭耶！）（ㄟ你很陰魂不散耶，我又沒叫你，還有你動不動就說什麼豬不豬的，沒禮貌）（什麼嘛？你在碧潭的時候我不就是你，還罵我！）（ㄟ，又不只我們兩個，還有他也在啊，所以我才會說是長假裡一個很感人的故事啊？）（我曉得啦，煩咧。）（你這學誰口氣啊？）（喂你... ...！）（要你管... ...！）


埃... 反正那天七夕去碧潭真的是會感動的我要命。同樣那個禮拜，我還做了兩個甜甜密密的夢咧！

好吧，總而言之，這個長假...（我又想哭了）...


（再試一次）


好吧，總而言之，這個長假，我真的感觸很深。我真的知道神他愛我，不管發生什麼事，我真的不再只是曉得的那麼膚淺而已。我也認識了愛的代價，愛一個人到極點的痛苦。愛是真的要付出的，到付出了自己的生命，願不願意？有的時候，死是很容易的。但要帶著疼痛活著一輩子，還願意嗎？跟他的感情也是勉強不來的，直到看見他愛我的那付神情...

我不會講，嘿嘿，嘿嘿嘿。長假奇蹟出現囉。曾經有人對我預言說，我的生命會是一個為神勇敢的見證。老實說，這種呼召，要接受嗎？我想過，一個平順的生命，不需要什麼勇氣吧？還要嗎？哈哈，我懂怎麼讓個人預言無法成就啊，不要禱告就好了啊，哈哈。在還沒經歷這些身體病痛前，我會毫不猶豫的答應。但真的痛到比死還難受的時候，又不曉得什麼時候會好，或根本不會好的時候，還要嗎？難怪約伯的試煉裡，身體的是最終的一個，真的生不如死，特別是他認為他是愛神服事神的。

於是我看見他的手，向我伸出。我看見他向我敞開他的內心。我真的開始漸漸體會，神也是常常傷心難過的。我曉得，我讀過神學解經，神是有感情的什麼什麼，但我不是說這個。我是說神他真的好愛我，所以他也會愛到難過。這種是書本上讀不到的。

漸漸的，一步一步的，我明白了。我真的明白。我是說雖然還有太多是我要去學明白的，但有一件事，我知道了。我可以成績很爛（屬靈上），我可以很多課都當掉，但有一科，至少我起碼要做得到的，就是學習愛他的那一課。


今年，我的長假結束了。我擠進佰名榜的最後一名，他跟我說，我從屬靈的高中畢業，而接下來的屬靈大學，可是更難哦... 你願意嗎？

哈哈，現在都流行那種沒有回答的結局。

 

 

1997年夏，
那年他們開始這個故事，
那年夏天我在加拿大遇見你。

那年他25歲，
長假結束時我也25歲。

 

 

這次我可能會反悔九十八次，答應一百次，這樣說，你高興嗎？（笑）

真好，能為我最愛的那一位，曾經勇敢過，對不對？

 

 
「只要有你在的日子, 就算在怎麼吵架、不高興，也一定會是擁有快樂的日子。不管怎樣過日子，發生什麼事，一定都會有完美結局的。」
(長假)

 

 

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《詩篇二十三篇》 
 

（大衛的詩。）
 
 
 
耶和華是我的牧者，我必不致缺乏。



他使我躺臥在青草地上，領我在可安歇的水邊。



他使我的靈魂甦醒，為自己的名引導我走義路。



我雖然行過死蔭的幽谷，也不怕遭害，

因為你與我同在；你的杖，你的竿，都安慰我。



在我敵人面前，你為我擺設筵席；你用油膏了我的頭，使我的福杯滿溢。



我一生一世必有恩惠慈愛隨著我；我且要住在耶和華的殿中，直到永遠。

 

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歌曲點播：
 
Long Vacation（長假の終曲）
全世界的人都知道（長假の心曲）
在你身邊（長假の詩曲）
You Make Me Want to Fall in Love（長假の戀曲）
Lydia（長假の夜曲）
Close to Me（長假の夢曲）
 
 
 
 
 

掰掰！！！下次我再聽到長假的歌時，一定會回頭看的！！！
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
謝謝你
 
（淚）
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

《長假》
2003五月 - 2006九月
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
「我們愛，因為神先愛我們。」
（聖經約翰壹書4:19）
 
 

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後記:
 
本來想寫個詩做結尾, 感謝祂對我的一切好, 但長假裡付出的感情實在是太多了, 只是「謝謝」兩個字就會讓我哽咽. 我想這兩個字能夠表達的千言萬語, 祂懂, 祂真的懂.
 
 
 

請你永遠不要忘記這個F班的喔！！！


 


 


 


 


 

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2006十月十九日備註


 


最近才發現，我的長假剛好是四十個月。從2003五月到2006九月，有四十一個月，但經過一番禱告和思考後，覺得其實應該是四十個月。到2006年八月就結束，我自己給他多拖了一個月，就像以色列人正常兩年內就可以進入迦南地，但他們惹事生非四十年後才進去。Vision八月就開始申請了，然後九月也剛好是一般學校開學的月份，剛好也是我屬靈歷程進入下一階段的學習，我的Orange Days，是我屬靈大學的日子，開學應該在九月（所以在神的日曆裡，我的長假八月就結束了）。然後OD是在以色列人的贖罪日(Day of Atonement)開始的，是在舊約裡預表耶穌成為神羔羊為世人贖罪的十字架犧牲。以後應該會更清楚這個對我橙色歲月的涵義。


 


四十這個數字在聖經裡是代表「試煉」，以色列人在曠野四十年，耶穌在曠野被魔鬼試探四十天。


 


真是痛苦啊... ... ... 雖然現在身體也是還有很多問題，但最難受的真的是長假那段日子...


 


真是一段煉淨的過程...


 


 


謝謝大家的代禱和鼓勵，要不是有神藉著你們給我的幫助，我大概早就嗚呼哀哉死在半路上了，


 


啊哈哈哈哈哈～～～～～～


 





 


 


親愛的耶穌，我覺得你太浪漫了。可不可以簡單一點，一點點、一滴滴就好了...


 


哈哈，


 


算了，算我沒說，我們都不會答應的。

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